You may be skilled in the domain of multiple skills, they may have the academic qualifications to pairs and even can have a intelligence above the average, but it’s hard to manage emotions such as anxiety, anger or fear of embarrassment. The illiterate emotional are those people who do not understand their emotions and it causes an increasing psychological discomfort. And attention, because we are not talking about people cold, hard, calculating, and a little empathetic, but of something that goes far beyond that and that well known psychologists Gema Sánchez Cuevas and Valeria Sabater, authors of the book “Put heart to your brain. Understand your emotions for a better life” (of The mind is Wonderful Ed.).
The authors of this guide to understand the emotions distinguish three profiles that could define the illiterate emotional, they describe it as “a person unknown to you or that you have very little contact with the universe emotional.” According to Sanchez Caves, these profiles fit with the illiteracy emotional:
The “white knights”. “Those people that are available to the whole world, but for them, that is to say, that prioritize the needs of others and say yes to almost everything I ask for”, explains the psychologist, who states that, in this case, what really happens is that they usually hide their emotions and disappointments to pretend to be strong and available. “And this carries a cost,” he says.
The “hearts of glass”. They are very sensitive people with high empathy but also with a high emotional contagion. “Get in, followed by the concerns, anxieties and needs of others, because all things customized”, defined Sanchez Caves. The problem is, as she explains, who feel bad because they do not usually have a clear boundary between themselves and others.
The “warriors, with breastplates, fiery”. They tend to be people with high resolution and motivation, but who do not see beyond their point of view. Their motto is, according to Sanchez-Cuevas, “you are either with me or against me” and the question is who has the emotional intelligence of a child of three years, so we tend to get angry and frustrated often.
Although these profiles allow us to identify an illiterate emotional, the psychologists claim that in reality this can be any person that you do not know the emotional world and do not know very well what they want to say their emotions and what purpose they serve. In terms of the consequences, the expert says that the mark of illiteracy, emotional tends to be the suffering, the anguish and a state of apathy and listlessness that produces the fact of not knowing how one feels and what happens in its interior.
What do I do if I am an illiterate emotional?
If your reading this article you have felt identified with any of the profiles or you ever thought that you could be one of them, the first thing that you must do, as advised Gema Sánchez Cuevas, is interested in the emotions and learn from them. You must know what emotions are, what they want to tell you and for what work. “But not just those that make you feel good, but all. So often we tend to ignore those with which we feel uncomfortable,” he says.
The anger, the anger, the frustration… all the emotions include a message that is important so that instead of being carried away by them, the expert advised to stop and decipher what they want to say about one and about their needs. “Usually cost to accept, but what we feel is our responsibility. It is we who have to manage those emotions,” says the author of “Put heart to your brain”, a guide that provides tools and resources to regulate the emotions in our relationship with others.
What if my partner or is in my family?
The coexistence with the illiterate emotional is often not simple. The reason for this difficulty lies, according to the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas, in that for them there is only your reality, a point of view and what they consider to be best. “They tend to be frustrated, have many mood swings and don’t communicate well, so you have to find out what they want and how they feel”, describes.
That is why it is likely that, according to forecasts the psychologist, their behavior has a side effect on us. But to minimize this impact, the psychologist recommended to keep the calm, be firm and be mindful of how they are. “The key is not to get carried away by their instability and to put ourselves at their level. We must maintain self-control, “he says.
It is also important when we interact with them or asking them something that we talk about concrete and specific, pointing out what bothers us and how it makes us feel, instead of using expressions that are vague, imprecise or general. “There is that to facilitate the dialogue and to make them understand that we also have needs”, suggests Sanchez Caves.
Translated from ABC News https://www.abc.es/bienestar/psicologia-sexo/psicologia/abci-puede-seas-analfabeto-emocional-y-no-sepas-202001210340_noticia.html